The Way I am

 I have decided to try and be the change I want to see in others, where I currently see toxicity, I want to be kindness, where I see anger and bigotry, I want to be kindness and acceptance.

I know it sounds corny, but it is true, sure I get angry about things, but they feel like sane and justifiable things, like how mad it makes me that people treat other human beings as 'less than' because of gender/race/religion/sexuality, we are all the same, yet there are those who call wanting that equality 'woke' - as if equality is some kind of perverse need.

people are more mad at others on line asking for equality, than they are that children are dying in warzones!

how does that make any sense?

so like I say, I often feel my frustration with the world at large is justifiable, but all that said, I cannot shake the feeling that to beat the loud and angry, you have to be one of them - certainly feels that way at times.

Today was not a good day for me, mentally, I really struggled - not sure if this is a knock on effect from the situation of the world at large, or my own personal turmoil, or some amazing chimera of the two, but boy oh boy did my mood reach lows today.

Now look, I know, that is a yo-yoing in my tone and the mood of this blog, and previously I have been a little scared to share that, but no more, now I am determined to be open with all of that.

enter - my mind!

its a difficult balance telling you honestly all of the things I want to say, when there are times I am so tired and frustrated it is all I can do to not scream, and I know I am not the only one.

although the feeling of wanting to scream isn't the only one that scares me.

Like I say, anger is something I have long stuffed down, but lately I struggle with how best to convey it, how best to vent it safely.

Like the rage in me when I see these 'alpha men' insulting gays, women, big people, smart people, others, anyone who isn't them, anyone they see as a target, these career little boys who want so desperately to be more than what they are, which is nothing more than parasites.

They are parasitic, feeding off of anger, off of reactions, off of social media algorithmic BS that they are pushed in.

Shallow, one dimensional cowards. They get under my skin, because I want so badly for kindness to outweigh pain, to outweigh cruelty.

One day, right?

Neal out.